Christmas Jeer

Yes, our airport bathrooms often stink and it's near impossible to leave Bombay airport without getting into a scuffle ('this is my cart grandma! Mine!'), but let's give credit where it's due, and acknowledge that few Indian airport experiences equal the horribleness of Heathrow. 

It isn't just the queues, or the immigration officials ('officer, I really, really don't want to live here. Trust me, I will be leaving, nay, running home, asap') whose cheeriness is only equalled by that of people getting into or out of London. A British friend's recent Heathrow experience involved hearing a guy being frisked by an Asian officer scream, 'I won't be touched by a ******* Paki'. It's also Heathrow's inability to come to terms with the fact of its location in London, a city where it snows every winter. Yes, it snows. Every winter. 

Despite this common knowledge, every winter (when it snows), Heathrow officials behave like they've been flung, without warning and in their jammies just as they were getting into bed with a good book and a hot cuppa, into an Arthur C Clarke novel. ('Snow? SNOW!' BUT, BUT, WHAT IS THIS SNOW ... UH ... THING?')

Every year at Christmas passengers flying to or from Heathrow are delayed or worse stranded or re routed. A friend travelling from the States to London last week was inexplicably re-rerouted from Heathrow to Edinburgh (which is nicer than London, so good for her), and when she was finally allowed to fly to her original destination the airline left behind her bags. Somewhere. Because of the snow. In winter. In London.

I thought this quote in today's NYT on the annual bunglefest says it all: 'We’ve lasted two world wars, and we can’t even deal with some snow.'

Other than snow, Heathrow officials also have a thing for mangoes. Have you noticed that come Alphonso season they all smell of fruit? ('Yes officer, I'm carrying a box of mangoes, no officer I didn't know that mangoes caused the Plague, yes officer of course you can have them all, all five dozen of them with my most sincere apologies, hey, wait a minute, why are you putting the box in your backpack?!')

Photo: NYT.
'Europe's Bad Weather Adds to Heathrow's Woes.'

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